Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
