That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
