Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize