It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
