I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
