Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
