His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
