Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
