Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
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