I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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