Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
