I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Too much gin, very little bucket
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
