I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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