i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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