Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
