YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
