When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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