How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
