My friends, they love my intelligence
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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