whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
