mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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