hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
