I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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