At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont even know how to be here
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
