I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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