conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
