i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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