I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
