I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
