Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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