this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
