dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You smell like stripper and shame
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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