..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
