Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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