the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
