just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
