Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize