Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
