Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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