his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
