youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
