im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
