Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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