Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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