I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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