Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
