So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
