i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
