He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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