I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
