Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
