my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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