we're blogging at a bar
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
