shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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