I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
