she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize