Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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