So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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