two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
