dude i'm inner monologue high
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
