Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
