it was like his penis was on wheels.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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