Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize